Thursday, December 01, 2005

Arigato no Koto!*

So thanksgiving happened, and I think everyone who reads this blog was there so I will avoid the detailed recap; however just in case -

Edub made like 3210782 tons of food, the rental people delivered the table 4 hours late, Sam brined the turkey, which I carved (and later he ate approximately 2.3 pies), fun was had by all, and after I dropped the rents off at the airport hotel I returned home for the emergence of drunk Jordi and the accompanying blackout. Apparently I can't hold my liquor... who knew?

On Friday the family and I drove out to Palm Springs, average age one foot in the grave, and enjoyed the dry heat. Played 18 holes with Dad on Saturday, ate delicious steak dinner, and went to the Palm Springs Follies. If you don't know what they are, check out, but the short description is 60-80 year old cast members in a jingoistic but enjoyable USO-style review, complete with Long-Legged Lovelies kicking their legs up and grinning their teeth off.

Thanks for coming everyone!

*Japanese for "Time for thanks"

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Disturbing Math

World of Warcraft came out on November 23rd, 2004 - exactly one year this wednesday. My playtime in-game on my main character (disregarding alts) is 42 days (as in, over the past year i've played the game for just over 1000 hours.)

42/365 = 0.115, meaning that I spent about 11.5% of last year playing WoW.

I'm sure you'll agree with me, that percentage is fairly disturbing. If I was really dedicated I would be over 15%.

(I have a friend in-game who is apparently independantly wealthy, as her playtime stands at over 98 days played. I'll let you do that math yourself.)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

First Real Celebrity Sighting

I went out to Santa Monica last night with a bunch of friends to see a production of Neil Labute's The Shape Of Things. It was a mediocre production, but I did see Jason Schwartzman there, of Rushmore and I <3 Huckabees fame. He had a shaggy beard. Stu said it's cause he's playing a European king in something.

Friday, November 11, 2005

McCain's Vision

A powerful speech by John McCain -

Why can't all politicians speak with such vigor, compassion, and lucidity? I would vote for this man for president in a heartbeat. Let's hope the Republicans choose him over Frist in 2008.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Charity for the New Milennium

I donated a video game to the San Diego Children's Hospital today. Please help out however you can; Penny-Arcade does this once a year and I think it's an AMAZING way to make sick kids a little happier.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Here's What I Had For Dinner

Steamed Broccoli with a slice of american cheese melted on top, a baked potato with butter, mushrooms, onions, red pepper and asparagus fried in olive oil with pine nuts and topped with parmesan.

That's right, I had vegetables for dinner.

Mom, if your brain just exploded CALL 911.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Work Gets Interesting, So Does Play

We've reached the point in the project I've been working on since I took my job at William O'Neil where things are getting interesting.

I'm in charge of the design and implementation of a maintenance website for the central database that contains all of the company's data. I'm working in next-generation technology (Visual Studio 2005, ASP.NET 2.0) and implementing all types of best-practice patterns like a model-view controller for the UI and web-service exposure for all of the data and possibly some of the more reuseable business objects.

Almost all of the documentation is done, and withing two weeks I should be coding, happy as a pig in shit.

I know this doesn't mean much to most of you, but hey, it's my blog damnit and I'm excited to be done with data transformation and not having tangible, satisfying work to do.

Also, I think Jeremy and Raffile are the only ones who could appreciate this, but my guild killed 8/10 Molten Core bosses on saturday. We should summon Majordomo by the end of the month and (hopefully) take our first shot at Ragnaros! We're also edging closer to being able to kill Onyxia (the Bitch).

Monday, October 03, 2005


Today is Royale's 23rd birthday. Since I'm a crappy brother, her card is going to be late (although suitably accompanied, which should make up for the lateness). So in addition to her phone call she gets a blog entry. Happy Birthday, sis!

Friday, September 16, 2005

Read This Now

Read now. This pretty much sums up my position on the issue.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Urinal Ettiquette

A question for the dudes.

Suppose you encounter the following urinal configuration:

u U U

On the left is a kiddy urinal, followed by two adequately divided adult urinals. If you enter the restroom and someone is using the rightmost urinal, is it acceptable to use the middle one? In other words, does my preference for a non-kiddy size urinal override the traditional buffer requirement?

If you believe that it is acceptable to choose to override the buffer, is it then preferable when approaching the above configuration as a first arrival to use the right most urinal, or to relieve a potential newcomer of an unpleasant choice by using the middle urinal, thereby making the right one the only viable option?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Friday, August 19, 2005

Morning Becomes Eclectic

I've been listening to KCRW in the mornings, and after 9am there's a show called Morning Becomes Eclectic which features an amazing range of music that you don't hear on the top 40 bandwagon radio stations. However recently the host, Nick Harcourt, has been playing some of the singles from The Killer's latest album, Hot Fuss. Since the mainstream stations have also been playing them (you may have heard Mr. Brightside or Somebody Told Me) I figured it has to be a really decent album. So I picked it up, and it's really really good rock. I'm sorta mini-headbanging at my computer... I <3 My Ipod.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

40 Year Old Update


Royale got a teaching fellowship from the New York Board of Education, which apparently comes with a free Masters degree, so huzzah! And also Damn You Weber-Flink! You'll have more academic prestige than me!

Life and work have been pretty much steady, work is getting interesting as the design phase creepingly approaches the development phase (wherein I become the hero of the story).


I've recently read the first three novels in the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin, on the recommendation of a newsgroup friend.


It's an amazingly complex and mature epic fantasy modeled after the War of the Roses, the name given to the British civil war between the House of Lancaster and the House of York for the British throne in the 15th century. The two main houses in the novels are the Lannisters and the Starks.

Martin writes fantasy like nobody I've ever read before, primarily by avoiding any and all deus ex machinae (there is some magic around, but it is not much more effective than a score of knights, and very few people can use it). His characters are vivid, deep, and well defined, and Martin never betrays their motivations. Main characters die regularly, to be replaced by new characters, and each chapter is written from a different point of view. While Martin jumps around in time occasionally, the series is mostly in chronological order; however different accounts of the same events are often presented from different points of view.

The fourth book is due out in hardcover next month, when I shall devour it, but in the meantime here's what I have on my bedside nightstand:



I went to the arclight last night to see a preview of 40 Year Old Virgin with the tiny israeli. I'm not particularly critical when it comes to film, but I think it was an entertaining 2 hours. There was very little degeneration into absurdity, and the main character's anger and frustration at his own fear of women and physical intimacy made him more human than a 2D high school sex romp virgin. On the whole, I enjoyed it, although Lee ate more than her fair share of the toblerone.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Book Meme and Gramma RoRo

Royale drove across the country with her friend Liz last week and ended up at my place. I paid some of my air mattress karma forward and had a fun evening with the girls - I took the two of them and my roommate-pro-tem Monica out for dinner and drinks on the Marina, followed by a trip to Ralph's to pick up some Apple Pie and Vanilla ice cream (Hey, it's no stone-n-shop but still).

Then we went back to the apartment and listened to tunes and chatted for a few hours until the girls got tired and went to sleep. Somewhere during the conversation I informed Royale that I would be instructing her grandchildren to call her "Gramma RoRo" which infuriated her and amused me. There was also playback of a hand-held tape recorded journey through a thunderstorm... which Royale hysterically recorded in a shrieking british faux Julia Childs accent to much comedic effect.

The next morning they took off for San Diego and left me to a lazy afternoon of reading. I have a big "now reading" update coming up because I'm about to polish off A Song of Ice And Fire and then I'm starting Shogun.

Now for the book meme:

You're Ender's Game!

by Orson Scott Card

To you, most everything is a game. It's summertime, and the living's
easy. Even when there's a war on, it's just a game to you. But even though you've
historically been able to meet every challenge, there are some doubts about what lies
ahead. Are you sure you're up to the next test? Don't forget to pay attention to your

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Ha. Ha.

Drunk kids who pull fire alarms at 3:30 in the morning and wake the entire building and half the neighborhood and waste the fire squadron's time are AWESOEM!!!11!

Monday, August 01, 2005

As Requested

The Luck Of The Jordish

For lack of anything interesting having happened over my weekend, I shall now regail you, fine readers, with a tale from my first week in the land of the golden sun.

First off, you should understand that I have never been issued a speeding ticket. I have been in two minor accidents, both of which were arguably not my fault, and I have been pulled over once four years ago; I got a warning, which by now has been expunged from my record.

The second thing you should understand is that if you have never driven on a five lane highway at seventy-five miles per hour in the black of night, the 405 at midnight is a TERRIFYING experience. Suddenly you're trying to keep track of 5 lanes of traffic in rearview mirrors which are completely unsuited to the task, and which are shining about 30 pairs of headlights directly onto your retinae. Seventy five is just the average speed - you have to weave in and out of the nutjobs doing ninety and the grannies doing 55.

So there I am, driving somewhat erratically because, hey, I think I'm about to die, when the sirens and the flashing lights kick off behind me. "Oh shit," I think, "the perfect end to the perfect driving experience."

I don't even know the ettiquette for pulling over in California, because there's basically no shoulder - so I continue to the nearest exit and take it, obviously aggravating the cop as he shines his beam right into my left sideview and gets on the loudspeaker to say "Make a right and pull over when it's safe," in a tone that suggests he is calling for backup and preparing to bludgeon me.

I'm sitting at the end of the exit ramp, and there's a red light. I wait for it to turn green, so that I can make the aforementioned right turn and pull over. The light turns green. I begin to drive forward, when out of nowhere arrives my Redneck Hero! A beaten up old ford pickup roars through the red light at high speed with the windows down and the country tunes blasting. I slam on the brakes. And the cop forgets about me and takes off after him.

I slunk away and got back on the highway, thanking the gods for my rescuer's poor breeding and general disregard for traffic safety. When I got home I noticed that one of my taillights was hanging from a wire, so I pushed it back in, shrugged, and ate some dinner.

Moral of the story: my insurance rates are better than yours.

Thursday, July 28, 2005


People who accurately use "lilliputian" in a sentence strike me as well read, or at least well educated. People who use "brobdingnagian" in similar fashion, however, strike me as downright rectitudinous. I miss you, sirrah.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Googlicious will make a google-style image out of any text. A nifty 30 second diversion :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

A Con I Just Thought Of

Although Mikey will no doubt consider it a pro, I just realised I will not have many opportunities to wear my vast collection of turtlenecks, now that I live in SoCal.

Update: Yes, this was important enough for me to write about at 11pm.

Reversed Priorities

Everyone at my new job takes really long luches and Friday afternoons off. The only exception to this rule is when they haven't finished their work for the week. At my last job, it didn't matter how efficient you were or if you were performing to the top of your ability. You still had to put in 8.5 hours a day no matter how mind-numbingly bored and useless you were. This was the thing I hated most about that job.

At this new job, as long as you get your work done you are golden. This attitude does not just flow from my co-workers, but from my boss, the CIO. Curious about my boundaries, I mentioned to him at lunch today that "Nobody seemed to mind that I took off at 3:30 yesterday." He replied "You finished up what you were working on?" Me - "Yep." Him - "Well then."

And then we proceeded to have a nice chat about database merging.

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Spectacular Degredation Of J. Raffile

After a phone call with Royale this weekend I am forced to post one more picture. Specifically, she requested that, since Jason felt it was within his purview to comment on her physical appearance, she should be given the same opportunity. I therefore humbly submit the following:

(Click for large version)

Thursday, July 14, 2005

A Brother Repents

So Royale called me about 20 seconds after I sent her a text message telling her to check the blog, told me I am an insensitive jerk and demanded that I post this:

So you see, she's not really a cross-eyed ogre. She's a pretty, straight-eyed ogre.

Her Humorous Response

Right back at ya!

The Original Image Sent To Royale (With Caption)



I am experimenting with configuring the blog and my cell phone to allow me to moblog. The cool thing about this is that I can send any image I snap with my camera phone, or any image sent to me by someone else with a camera phone via multimedia message, to my blog. And I can do it from anywhere, without access to a computer.

In response to Mikey's comment below, yes I do have a job. However this week I'm in training for 8 hours a day, "learning" how to use a tool which I find trivial to grok. The class is moving exactly as fast as the slowest student, and so I (and a number of other people in the class) find themselves with a lot of free time. That's why I'm trying to do a lot of blogging this week, because next week I may be busy.

Anyway the reason I suddenly became interested in moblogging (mom: it stands for mobile blogging, or blogging from a mobile device like my cell phone) is because during one of the periods of waiting for someone else to complete an exercise, I sent Royale what I considered to be a humorous image I took of myself. She responded in kind, and I wanted to share. Hopefully if I get this set up correctly, you will all be able to enjoy.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Obviously, The Logical Faculties Of Seven-Year-Olds Should Not Be Underestimated

So I was browsing InclinedToCriticize's archives at work today during a dull moment when I came across this post by Carina. Coincidentally I was browsing boingboing's June archives later that day (it was a dull day) and came across this. Naturally I felt it was my duty to bring these star-crossed posts together; now if you'll excuse me I have to go find a 3rd-grader spouting objectivism.

New Books

I've decided to be more active in letting you all know what I'm reading. Having whipped through Howl's Moving Castle, which was somewhat different from the movie and a fun, light, fluffy read, I picked up Castle In the Air, the sequel.

As with most of Diana Wynne Jones' sequels, Castle in the Air involves an entirely new cast who, in the course of their adventures, meets up with familiar characters from the first book. Jones' teen fantasy novels are a simple pleasure for me in the same vein as Harry Potter - nothing particularly challenging about reading them, but fun all the same. I read this in about 2 days. Click on it for the amazon review, if you're interested.

One of my coworkers suggested this. I've only just started it, but it's interesting so far. It's by the same guy who wrote up the exploits of the group of MIT students who scammed the vegas casinos for millions in the late 90s; it's about a group of Ivy League grads who made millions on the Nikkei with (presumably) shady trading practices. I'll let you know how it was when I've finished it.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Sweet Cuppin' Cakes!

The title of this post is a shout-out to someone that knows who they are, and who I would like to hear from. :D

A couple good things happened recently, not globally but to me personally. First of all, I started catching up on my Strong Bad emails, several of which were quite amusing. I still have many to go before I'm current, so there's something to look forward to, right?

Also KCRW started podcasting pretty much their whole lineup, which means I can listen to The World, Weekend Edition, Morning Becomes Eclectic, and various other tasty public programs on my iPod. While working diligently, of course.

Yesterday the Server was in town so she, J-Lo, Dan From James & The Giant Peach Whose Last Name I Forget Because I'm A Terrible Person, and I went out to Westwood where we proceeded to mass-consume like the consumer whores we truly are. In N' Out, Diddy Reese, Habibi mint hookah, and a couple beers at a local bar made a wonderfully glutonous backdrop for some excellent conversation. Also the bar played a clip from Dumb And Dumber, so really the only thing that could have made it better would have been more Troupies around to enjoy the evening. Erin, hurry up and get out here!

There's something remarkably peaceful about driving down the coast at night, with the windows down and the smell of the ocean wafting across the dashboard. It's very quiet, so that the turn signal's click-clack, click-clack beats in rhythm with your heart and California feels like home.

All in all, a good weekend.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Is It Me, Or Is The Country Going To Hell?

I don't know, it just seems like everything is getting worse. And why the fuck has the "Bono's Stylist Ordered to Return Pants and Hat" story been top billed on google news for 4 days running? Are people that fucking interested in cloth? (No offense, Amber.)

Reasons I am cynical:

Our country has done nothing about the genocide in Darfur because we're committed to fighting the insurgency in Iraq for the next 12 years, by which time North Korean and Iran will have blown up the planet, if the fundamentalist terrorists in Syria haven't done it first. Meanwhile the government is prosecuting AIDS and cancer patients for smoking pot while ignoring crystal meth, which is like a bajillion times more dangerous, and it looks like we're about to get 10 years of conservative majority opinions from the Supreme Court (so long, Roe v. Wade!)

Aside from all that, life is great. Also, update you bastards! Why is it always me who has to start updating regularly before you're all guilted into doing it too? Can't I take a month to get my new life together without all you lazy bums forgetting to entertain me at work?

50% Brooding, 50% Content, 100% Back In Action

Sunday, May 29, 2005

I Got A Job, Bitches!

After 3 weeks of lounging around Stu and Lee's apartment in glorious Studio City, California, I finally recieved a job offer. I will start on June 13th as a web developer for William O'Neal, in Marina Del Rey. Next week I will be hunting for an apartment to live in for a few months until Erin arrives. Then we will find the uber-apartment, the deluxe 2 bedroom in the sky, and the best year of my life will commence.

Just wanted to keep you updated.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

These Hippos Don't Have Vaginas Either!

Last night was poker night. I went out for delicious mexican at Paquito Mas with J-Lo and Persaud, after which we went back to Stu's for a night of dealer's choice poker. Persaud kept coming up with these crazy games, like "fives are sixes and sixes are fives" or "you must sing everything you say, or pay a quarter into the pot". We played a bunch of different games, from five card stud to seven card double-draw, and at the end of the night, after MUCH laughter, Stu walked away with about 50 bucks. We were also watching Fantasia in the background, and Sean kept fixating on the fairy's nipples; at one point I pointed out to him that the full-breasted centaurs didn't seem to have vaginas. Hence the title of this post.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Am I Deeply Ambivalent? Well, I Am And I'm Not

So, update goodness ensues. I have updated the blogroll to strike Rheri since her blog has disappeared, and also the Jolly Fat Man that was my previous co-worked because he hasn't updated in 4 months.

However to counter-balance these negative actions, I have taken steps in the positive direction. New to the blogroll is Alana, an acquaintance of mine through Troupe people who impressed me earlier this year in Lost In Yonkers, and who I will now endeavor, through the magic of the internets, to make into a friend. Joining her is Dan Powers, Enemy Of Shrubbery and one of my favorite Boot-N-Rally pals. I have heard rumors he might be joining Troupe West - prepare the french maid outfit, and the shots of Jäger! Third up is Bugster, making a triumphant return to the blogroll because I can't remember why she was ever not there. I mean, who else do I have to chat with about remaining neo-sober? Carina? She's way too busy LARPing. Fourth is Sara Fernandez, who was an underclassman of mine that I reconnected with in Boston back in March, and who's awesomeness continues to shine. And finally, my dear friend Amber, who resurfaced from oblivion yesterday. Apparently she has been in Ghana, and then Connecticut. Both are foreign landscapes with bizarre social customs.

Note that I have also updated my reading list - I hope to be a bit more current with that in future. I suppose I should also have updated my South Park persona, but actually he fits, at the moment.

Last night was exceptionally pleasant. Myself, Longino, Stulee, and C. Shriner went to Universal City for dinner. We started off with calamari, Lee and I shared sausage, broccoli and mashed potatoes, and finished with "chocolate on tap", a desert which is as delicious as it sounds. I also had 2 very nice pints of a sweet pilsner to wash it all down with. On the whole, an excellent meal, in great company.

I think I will have some breakfast in front of the TV, go for a run, and get back to cold-calling job listings looking for work.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

For Those Of You With A Disturbing Penchant For Mind-Numbing Detail

Here is a transcript of the tape recorder Colin and I used to document our journey across the country.

JORDAN: Ok, this is Jordan and Colin at 8:57 AM in Lake Forest, Illinois, uh, heading out, for the West Coast. So, wagons ho, all right. Check in with ya later.

COLIN: Uh, just getting onto the Tri-State, filled up with gas, current temperature is 46°, uh, the price of gas in Illinois was $2.29 per gallon.

JORDAN: Ok so we're heading down to the Tri-State, is that right?
COLIN: Yeah. We're going to exit the Tri-State.
JORDAN: We're gonna exit the Tri-State, and, uh...
COLIN: I-55.
JORDAN: ... on I-55 to St. Louis, and we paid $1.60 in tolls, with another $0.37 coming up soon, so, we'll keep you up to date on, sort of statistics.

JORDAN: 'K, mile 137, we're makin' our first stop, at McDonald's, at exit 178, in Lexington... gonna, hit the bathroom and grab some chicken nuggets.

COLIN: Uh, the time is 12:20 on Sunday, uh, we are now just entering Springfield, Illinois, the state capitol, and uh, just taking a little side-trip off the uh, expressway, to see some of the, uh, historic sites in the city. Um, and then we will continue on to St. Louis. Among the sites are uh, the state capitol, uh, the new Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library, and, uh, Abraham Lincoln's home. So, uh, I don't know that we're gonna see them all, but we'd like to.

COLIN: Mileage from Lake Forest to Springfield, is 221, and it has taken us about 3 hours and 20 minutes to drive.

JORDAN: Ok, it is 1 o'clock, and we've stopped in Lichfield, Illinois, 60 miles outside of Springfield to fill up, uh, and, hang on a second... gas prices here are probably similar, looks like uh $2.24, $2.24 for mid-grade.

COLIN: It's 2 o'clock on Sunday, and we have parked on the riverfront of the Missisippi, and we are walking towards the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. It's about, well we'll check it later but I would guess it's probably 500 feet high. It's very impressive. The temperature here is about 60°.

COLIN: Ok, it's now 3 o'clock, and we are leaving St. Louis on Highway 44 heading for Branson, approximately 260 miles, and, uh, I guess our ETA is gonna be about 7 o'clock, assuming all goes well.

COLIN: Hi, we are now, uh, just, uh, just east of Springfield, Missouri*, and we're stopping for gas. We have on the clock 516 miles, and it looks like the price of gas has gone down again to $2.19. So we're going in the right direction.
JORDAN: Until we get to Cali.
COLIN: Out.**

COLIN: We've just turned off Highway 44 at 6:25, heading south on 65 to uh, Branson. It's about another 40 miles.

COLIN: Uh, we've now arrived at the Residence Inn in Bran, Branson, Missouri, at 7:05, and we have completed 580 miles. Now we're going to check in. Bye.

JORDAN: Uh, 8:30 AM, day 2, heading out -
COLIN: *garbled*
COLIN: Monday morning.
JORDAN: Monday morning, yes. We're heading out from the Residence Inn in Branson, Missouri, and uh, less than 24 hours from Tulsa. We're headed south -
COLIN: On 65.
JORDAN: On 65 to Amarillo, Texas.
COLIN: Into Arkansas.
JORDAN: Uh, it's 53° outside, we're expecting rain and snow, in the mountains today. Mileage so far, 581.4.

JORDAN: 8:51 AM, we've just crossed over into Arkansas at 596 miles on the trip meter, listening to NPR.

COLIN: Ok, it is, uh, coming up just before 12 o'clock on Monday, we have crossed from Arkansas into Oklahoma, stopped and picked up a state map at the Oklahoma welcome center, and we are heading west on the Cherokee Turnpike. We're in the middle of the Cherokee Nation, apparently. Our mileage is...
JORDAN: 737.
COLIN: 737.

COLIN: We have about 420 miles to go to Amarillo, Texas, on, if we can average on the expressway uh, 70+, say 70 miles an hour, that will take us 6 hours driving, plus stops. So our ETA is gonna be, probably, um, between 6 and 7 PM.

COLIN: Uh, the time is 12:30 on Monday, we are now in Tulsa, Oklahoma, trying to find a gas station.
JORDAN: Just shy of 800 miles on the..
COLIN: Our mileage is just under 800, and, uh, we will be heading from here down Highway 40, to Oklahoma city.

COLIN: It's 2 o'clock on Monday, and we are just approaching Oklahoma City, uh we've completed about 310, maybe 315 miles from the time we left Branson, and we still have approximately another 270 to go to Amarillo. Uh, we're gonna try and see the Oklahoma City National Memorial, at the domestic terrorist site from 1995.

JORDAN: Ok, it's 3:07, Monday afternoon, we are on our way to Amarillo, we've got 923.6 miles on the trip meter, and we're uh, what is it 232, outside of Amarillo?
COLIN: 242.
JORDAN: 242 miles to Amarillo. We've just visited the national memorial, for the Oklahoma City bombing.

JORDAN: Ok, it's 5:12 PM on Monday, we've just crossed, uh, the state line into Texas, at 1060 miles, into our journey. It's 52° Fahrenheit outside, and we're headed west, still on Route 40, to Amarillo. We're about halfway there. To Los Angeles.

COLIN: It's 6:38, on Monday, we have arrived at the Marriot Courtyard, in Amarillo, Texas, uh, our mileage is 1172, so we have been about 592 from Branson, the temperature is 44°, and we are gonna get a drink.
JORDAN: Mm-hmm.

JORDAN: Well, it is 8:15 PM in Amarillo, Texas, and having just had, Chinese uh dinner,
COLIN: Too much.
JORDAN: Too much Chinese dinner, way too much chinese dinner, we are attempting to find Hooters, to have a beer.

COLIN: Ok, it is Tuesday morning, uh, we are departing the Marriot Courtyward at 9:25, heading west on I-40, to Albequerque. Our mileage is still 1180, and the temperature here in Amarillo is 43°. Um, that's all.

COLIN: It is Tuesday morning, and uh, we have made the trip from Amarillo, we're now in Santa Rosa, New Mexico, we've gassed up there, our mileage at the moment is 1345. And it is about 10:45 in the morning, we have called the Sloves, and they've told us that, uh, they won't be at the house until 2 o'clock so we're gonna kill some time. So we're gonna explore Santa Rosa for a while, and if not then we'll go on to Albequerque and explore that.

COLIN: It's 12:40 on Tuesday, we're now in Albequerque, we decided to come into town to uh, kill some time until the Sloves get back to their residence, mileage is, uh, we're not quite sure.

COLIN: Our mileage to date is 1470 since we left Lake Forest. Temperature has gone up significantly in Albequerque to about 62, 63 degress from the 40s when we were coming across the high plains.

COLIN: It's now, uh, Wednesday morning, we're in Albequerque, we've spent the night with Matt and Diane Sloves, and they looked after us famously, just had breakfast, and we are heading, uh, continuing our trek west, our mileage at the moment is... 1494 leaving Albequerque. And the time is 8:27. Uh, last night, we went to a movie, we went to see the Upside of Anger with Kevin Costner and Joan Allen, which we thought was pretty good, and we'd recommend it. Our objective today is Las Vegas, Nevada, and we're gonna be traveling across the western part of New Mexico, all across Arizona, and then into the southern stretch of Nevada. And we're aiming for the Marriot Renaisance hotel in Las Vegas.

COLIN: It's still Wednesday morning on day 4, it's 9:35, we have had a very slow trip through Albequerque, um, because of traffic congestion. And we stopped at Starbucks and restored our fortitude, and we've just sent some flowers from a florist to Matt and Diane. Um, and now we're gonna get back to a serious bit of driving, to um, Las Vegas. So we've not had a good start today.

COLIN: Um, it's 9:43, we're currently proceeding south-west out of Albequerque on the famous old historic Route 66, and we'll join up with the main expressway I-40 in just a short while.

JORDAN: Ok, it is uh, 11:24 on uh, Wednesday, it's 62° outside, and we are at 1638 miles, and we have stopped in Gallup, New Mexico for gas. Where the price for mid-grade is $2.42 a gallon.

JORDAN: Ok it's, uh, 11:56 AM on Wednesday, we've just crossed into Arizona, it's 63° outside and our Mileage is 1665.

JORDAN: Well, it is 2:23 PM on Wednesday, it's 71° outside, a nice dry heat, we are at, uh, almost 1800 miles, and we stopped for an hour at the meteor crater in Arizona. Uh, fantastically large crater that was created by the impact of nickel-iron meteor approximately 150 feet in diameter about 50,000 years ago. Quite stunning, frankly.

COLIN: Ok, it is 3 o'clock on Wednesday, we are in Flagstaff, Arizona, and we have just seen the first road sign to LA. I would guess... uh, our mileage at this time is 1841, temperature has gone up to 68°.

COLIN: It's just gone 5 o'clock on Wednesday, and we are in Tuman, Arizona. K, we're just coming up to 2000 miles. We're gonna switch drivers here, and carry on to Las Vegas which is approximately another 100 miles away. Temperature has gone up significantly, it's now 84°, and gettin' warm.

JORDAN: Uh, it's 5:18 PM, on uh, Wednesday, and we're just crossing the Hoover Damn. We're at 2060 miles on the trip, and it's 94° Fahrenheit outside.

JORDAN: Ok it's uh, 8:56 AM on Thursday, uh, Cinco De Mayo-
COLIN: Day 5.
JORDAN: Day 5, it's 75° outside, in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, and we're just leaving, at, uh, with mileage at 2092.9 miles on the trip meter. And hopefully we'll be in Los Angeles in a couple hours.

JORDAN: Ok, it is 11:11 PM, er AM, on Thursday, May 5th, it is 82° outside and we've stopped at Baker, California for gas and lunch at Dennys, and uh..
COLIN: Mileage is 2185.
JORDAN: Mileage is 2185 and we're heading out for our final push into LA.

COLIN: It's now 1:10 on Thursday, day 5 of our trip, we are entering the LA area on Highway 15, going to take exit, in a few minutes, to Highway 10, to take that west to the coast. Mileage is, uh... 2319, temperature has dropped from Las Vegas to 68° in LA.

COLIN: We have filled up with gas in uh, Baker, and the price of the gas there was the most expensive we've come across, it was $2.97, and uh, the cost of the tank went up from the 30s to $42 dollars.

COLIN: Well, we're uh, at LAX, it is 2:42 on Thursday, 72°, and, um, we have officially driven 2401 miles to here. Jordan still has a few miles left to go to the place he's gonna stay. Anyway, this concludes the voyage.

JORDAN: Final entry: 3:53 PM, Thursday, May 5th. Mileage: 2428.2 miles. I am now, in Studio City, California, at Stu and Lee's apartment, I'll be hanging out here for an hour and a half till they get home, but my journey is complete.

* Throughout the trip, Colin pronounced Missouri 'Missourah'.
** I swear to god, Colin actually ended this entry by saying "Out". I think he secretly wishes he was Ryan Seacrest.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Veni, Vidi...

I have arrived in California, and am typing this from Stu's antiquated (by my standards, heh) keyboard in Studio City. My 5 day trip across the country was amazing, and I saw many of our nation's landmarks, from the Gateway Arch in St. Louis to the Oklahoma City national memorial. I watched gas prices soar from 2.14 in Milwaukee to 3.09 in Nevada, where a full tank of 14 gallons cost me 43 dollars and change. We kept an audio record of our journey on a handheld tape recorder, which I will transcribe in all it's stultifying dullness in a future entry, along with a more detailed account of the trip. But for now, I'll just say that I'm here, I'm excited, and I'm the 405's bitch.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Let The Adventure Begin


It's Sunday morning at 7:30 am. I haven't been up this early in 2 weeks, since I left my job as a Software Engineer (fancy upper case letters and all) at Assurant Health. I'm sitting at my Uncle's computer in Lake Forest, IL, 30 minutes from departure on a 5 day road trip to Studio City, CA where I have no idea what awaits me other than a tiny israeli and a grumpy but loveable film snob.

We're headed to Missouri tonight, with stops in Texas, Arizona, Vegas, and finally Studio City late Thursday. Colin is helping me drive, for which I am very grateful and will probably be purchasing some very old single-malt scotch as a thank you. The car is packed to the brim, but even so I had to trash about 80% of my belongings, knowing that it would be cheaper to purchase clones on the west coast than have them shipped.

Anyway, wish me luck. 5 days in the car with a hardcore republican == I need some :P

Thursday, April 28, 2005


Thesis: Royale is awesome.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Thursday, April 07, 2005


Did you know that the Daily Show's theme song is performed by They Might Be Giants? I didn't.

*insert G.I. Joe catchphrase here*

Message Board Hilarity

So I was reading the WoW forums today and there was a thread about celebrities who play video games, and WoW in particular. Someone mentioned that a band member from Iron Maiden is a gamer, which resulted in the following exchange which was too hilarious not to quote:

Guy #1:
"Evil dude: 'Put them in the Iron Maiden"
Bill and Ted: 'IRON MAIDEN!!!' *play air guitar*
Btw, what ever happened to Bill S Preston, Esquire?

Guy #2:
He took the blue pill.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

An Idea For The "When I'm Rich" List

I have a list of things I will do if I ever get really, really rich - like multi-millionaire rich. I had an idea today that I absolutely have to record somewhere so that I never forget it.

Basically, I will install a custom flatscreen monitor in the front door of my estate, with speakers in the frame. The panel will only be about 8 inches square, and will be filled with my digital doorknocker. It will be an animated lion's head, and will be linked to a database inside the house. When a guest rings the doorbell, a camera in the panel will snap their picture and link it to facial recognition software. If the lion, let's call him Leo, doesn't know the person he will introduce himself. The database will contain thousands of remarks, non-sequiturs, jokes, snarks, etc, which will be divided into categories. Leo will go a long time before repeating the same thing to a guest because he will recognize them. Additionally, I will be able to log into Leo and configure him to respond in certain ways to different recognized faces.

So when Leo recognizes Royale, he'll say something like "Welcome back, Miss Royale. How lovely to see you again!" And when Leo recognizes Mike Walsh, he'll say something like "The police have been alerted that you have violated the terms of your restraining order. Please leave the premises immediately." I think I'll have to get DiCaprio to do the voice work.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Awesomeness Recap

So two thursdays ago, having ensconced Casper in the safety of Lake Forest with his cousins Leonardo and Luciano, I boarded a Midwest Express flight to Boston, upon which I sat in custom designed leather seats with OODLES of legroom and was served fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies (2). I have to say, although I am looking forward to being out west I will miss Midwest and General Mitchel International Airport, where drive time is 15 minutes and combined checkin + security clearance is about 15 minutes on thanksgiving.

After arriving in Beantown, I was greeted by Erin and Julie, which caused a big grin to appear on my face, and we traipsed around Logan's shitty parking structure for about 40 minutes looking for the car until I (a guy, I might point out) asked for directions and took command, after which we found the car 5 minutes later. We then went back to the terminal for Lee and Stu and went back to Erin's apartment.


Friday I decided that I did not want to show up to Saturday night's gala event looking like a shabby bum, so I passed up a trip to Newbury Comics with Jer (whimper!) to go shopping at Filene's basement with Lee and Erin. I'd like to take a moment here to thank whatever gods there be for putting so many incredibly attractive women into my life. It makes walking down the street so much fun... Anyway I helped the ladies pick out a few things which they modeled for me but ultimately nobody bought anything. Then edub had to leave to prep something for that night's show but Lee and I went to buy things for me.

So we head up to Filene's proper and ask the sales associate for help, at which point he takes a quick glance at me and pegs me at 44 Long in about .02 nano-seconds. Suitably impressed (no pun intended) we nod like bobble-heads and he takes us over to the Calvin Klein rack and pulls down this fabulous black suit that has been marked down 400 dollars. Apparently my being dressed in dirty slacks and a fleece covered in cat hair gave him the impression that I was poor - remind me to always dress shabily for the best deals when going clothes shopping. Anyway this suit was almost a perfect fit, and Lee told me to buy it so I did. I also mentioned that I needed it tailored for the next day, so the guy sent me over to Winter Street to find a guy named T.M. who fitted it for me and took care of everything. We then went back and bought a shirt and tie, and then went home to much drinking and merriness.

Later that night I went to see "Lost In Yonkers" at the new theater. The theater was AMAZING, I am super jealous. The show was probably a B for me, with a few great A+ moments, most of them involving Julie or Alanna, who both owned the show. After the show I returned to Erin's apt for even more drinking, merriness, and lame falling asleep early (Copyright JWF 2005)

Saturday after sleeping until noon I went back downtown to pick up the suit and buy a pair of shoes. Now snappily attired, I got swanked up and went with the rest of the pretty people to the Saturday night show. Megan filled in competently for Jules but for me the Sat. show was kind of a C-, especially having seen it the night before. But after the show came the alumni party in the new reception lounge, which was AWESOME (except for the lame drinking rules. No one under 25 was allowed to drink anything on an out-of-state ID.) However we went out drinking elsewhere and much fun was had by all.

I don't remember what the hell I did Sunday but I'm sure it kicked as much ass as the rest of the weekend. Oh yeah before I forget, at one point I had Spikes and it was GODLY. We need better hotdog joints out in the Midwest. But fuck it, pretty soon I'll be fattening up at In N' Out, Carl's Junior, and various other exceptional fast food joints, so I can save spike's for Boston visits.


[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.

[02] I will then tell you what song/band reminds me of you.

[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.

[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.

[05] Put this in your journal.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Quick Joke

Ok so I know the promised WTFPWNED update hasn't arrived yet, but a coworker just told me a great joke that I want to remember so here goes.

One day two old jewish men were walking down the street in chinatown when they noticed a chinese restaurant called "Hiyam Rabinowitz' Wok." Curious about a jewish chinese restaurant and wondering if it served kosher food, they went in. Inside, they saw all chinese people, and the restaurant was decorated with chinese scrolls, silk wall hangings, dragons, etc. In fact, nobody even spoke english!

The old men were so curious that they went into the kitchen looking for the owner. They found an old man in a chef's hat lording over a staff of workers who, to their amazement, referred to him as "Rabinowitz". When they asked him about his name, in garbled english he replied "Prease wait. I get son. He speak good."

Rabinowitz' son came out and explained. "Oh, well you see my father passed through Ellis Island at the beginning of the century. The name his mother gave him was Saim Sing."

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Update Soon

Massive WTFPWNED update about Weekend Of Awesomeness 2005 Extravaganza coming soon. Probably this weekend.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Cheerin' Up Me

Since I've been having such a shite month, I decided to get myself a little something.

It's the 20gig clickwheel model, and Mikey, I expect something brilliant from you with regards to the laser inscription I chose :)


I have been sick with a sinus infection since last thursday. It's just bad enough to make me feel miserable without letting me stay home (not that I have enough sick days anyway). I am going back to the clinic Friday to make them give me antibiotics, since they wouldn't when I first went in.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

In Case You Were Wondering Why My Favorite Fleece is Ruined

It's because I spewed Pepsi all over it when I heard this:

"Marge, I'd be a lot more worried about me leaving you for a sausage patty than your sister Patty!"

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Nerd Chic

Hey Stacey, guess what??

I just completed my 500th SETI workunit! Hurrah!

For those curious, I spent most of my freshman year completing 430 work units on my first computer, a Pentium 3 450 with 256mb of RAM. My average work unit completion time was 11 hours and 56 minutes.

I completed the other 70 in the last week or two since I downloaded the utility again and started sending in work units. The average time it takes my new machine to complete a work unit is 2 hours and 11 minutes.


Thursday, February 10, 2005

FACT: God Hates Console Fanboys

If you have even the mildest interest in video games, there are a number of webcomics out there that are quite amusing. A lesser known, but very good, example is ctrl-alt-del. Go there now.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Wrathnir & Joey

First of all, I'd just like you to know I am the proud owner of a level 9 dwarven Paladin named 'Wrathnir' on the Shadowsong server.

Secondly, in response to Lee's comment on my previous post, here are some adorable picures of baby kangaroos.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


Now, I am not the kind of person who would ever get a tattoo. But if I ever did...

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Editing My Seratonin Levels

I am preparing to, at some unspecified point in the future, addict myself (as must inevitably be the case) to World of Warcraft.

I stopped playing FFXI about 4 months ago, because I was sick of killing myself 40 hours a week to grind up one level and have enough gil to afford a leather strap for my left gauntlet. I have heard tell that WoW is much more rewarding, and Blizzard has always made enjoyable games in the past. Essentially I'm waiting for Gabe and Tycho to tell me that the technical issues have been mostly resolved, at which point I will grab a copy of the game and freebase some Night Elves or some shit.

If you currently play the game, please leave a comment indicating which server you're on. I'm guessing this will be a Jeremy-only deal, but you never know. When I do finally get into the game, the server I join will be a benediction from on high, declaring that person to whose server I shed my Grace, to be higher on my top ten bff's list than all others. Make offerings unto the altar of me.

*disclaimer: all affronts to God in this post are intended ironically

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Casper Does Product Placement

Lee asked, so ye all shall recieve.

Looking like royalty on the couch:

"We require more tuna, peasant!"

"That is satisfactory. Now you shall pet Us."

"We no longer wish to look upon your stupid human face. "

There's a shiny ball inside the cube - he loves "hunting" so I hide things
for him in various places. He's very good at getting them back.


That's it for this edition of "Awwwww!" Stay tuned for whatever the hell I decide to post next.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Hi Rhers!