Thursday, August 19, 2004

The Onion Does It Again...

Once again the dry wit of the Onion reminds us why it, and not Alanis, understands irony:

Jumping On The Bandwagon.

1. something you hear everyday: the dull grate of a key entering a lock.
2. if you owned a bar, what would you name it? The Great Jordini’s
3. if you could be any character in a book, who would you be? God
4. Count your blessings: Friends, Intelligence, Nationality
5. what is the most radical change you've ever made to your appearance? The Evil Beard for Edgar
7. something that you are currently excited by: Prospect of hitting level 50.
8. what did you eat for lunch today? Creamed spinach and lemon basted chicken breast.
9. everyone lives in fear of something. what are you afraid of? Pain, early death, prison.
10. if you were named after a descriptive characteristic (i.e. Grace, Patience, etc.), which would it be? Bravado.
11. in a perfect world, what would you be doing right now? Drinking with lee, erin, et. al.
12. what can you see outside the nearest window? Blue Cross Blue Shield WI (main competitor)
13. something great you just discovered: Meriphtaud mountains are great for farming.
14. what are your thoughts on stay-at-home vs. working mothers? Whatever works for you, works for me.
15. where would you like to take the blame? To Bush’s ranch.
16. something nice someone did for you recently: Alex Dryer got me drunk (you don’t know her)
17. last time you laughed out loud: Reading ultimate spiderman. Peter’s costume is all messed up, and a thug he is fighting asks where his real costume is. Spidey replies “Your mom is washing it for me.”
18. people get what they deserve. discuss: No. People get what they take.
19. your next big purchase will be: HDTV
20. how would you define demeaning? The way I treat Mikey.
21. hello! everything is wonderful because: I finally got around to posting again.
22. the most bizarre thing you did yesterday: Explained to a stranger how to communicate love to my cat with his eyes.
23. so you catch your metaphorical (or real, as the case may be) child smoking. how do you respond? Deliberately severe disappointment coupled with frank discussion.
24. a word you use to fill lulls in conversation: “I’m great!”
25. favorite way to celebrate something great: trip to LA.

Monday, August 16, 2004

Transcript of Drunken Voicemail from Walsh:

Mike: “Dude, that, that message sucks! You sound like a douche-bag! Uh, this is Michael Patrick Walsh, and I'm callin to let you know that I finally caved in, and I've been using the hookah. ”

Female Voice in background: “Hey there cowboy!”

Mike: “And uh, we also wanted to rub it in that we're all sitting around using the hookah and having fun, and you're not here. And Ben said something about making fun of your cousin... so, uh... What?”

Ben in background: “Ask how his cousin was!”

Mike: “Ohhh...”

Jason in background: “Oh SHIT!”

Mike: “Uh... hope your cousin's doing well.


You know, laugh it off, it's me. That'll excuse it.


This is awkward.”

Male voice in background: “Hang up.”

Mike sighs dejectedly.

Erin in background: “Hang up the phone, Mike.”

Mike: “Bye Jordan. I love you.”

[I could not imagine a more appropriate 200th post. And now, as a bonus, the long awaited cape party pics. -Ed]