Sunday, May 29, 2005

I Got A Job, Bitches!

After 3 weeks of lounging around Stu and Lee's apartment in glorious Studio City, California, I finally recieved a job offer. I will start on June 13th as a web developer for William O'Neal, in Marina Del Rey. Next week I will be hunting for an apartment to live in for a few months until Erin arrives. Then we will find the uber-apartment, the deluxe 2 bedroom in the sky, and the best year of my life will commence.

Just wanted to keep you updated.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

These Hippos Don't Have Vaginas Either!

Last night was poker night. I went out for delicious mexican at Paquito Mas with J-Lo and Persaud, after which we went back to Stu's for a night of dealer's choice poker. Persaud kept coming up with these crazy games, like "fives are sixes and sixes are fives" or "you must sing everything you say, or pay a quarter into the pot". We played a bunch of different games, from five card stud to seven card double-draw, and at the end of the night, after MUCH laughter, Stu walked away with about 50 bucks. We were also watching Fantasia in the background, and Sean kept fixating on the fairy's nipples; at one point I pointed out to him that the full-breasted centaurs didn't seem to have vaginas. Hence the title of this post.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Am I Deeply Ambivalent? Well, I Am And I'm Not

So, update goodness ensues. I have updated the blogroll to strike Rheri since her blog has disappeared, and also the Jolly Fat Man that was my previous co-worked because he hasn't updated in 4 months.

However to counter-balance these negative actions, I have taken steps in the positive direction. New to the blogroll is Alana, an acquaintance of mine through Troupe people who impressed me earlier this year in Lost In Yonkers, and who I will now endeavor, through the magic of the internets, to make into a friend. Joining her is Dan Powers, Enemy Of Shrubbery and one of my favorite Boot-N-Rally pals. I have heard rumors he might be joining Troupe West - prepare the french maid outfit, and the shots of Jäger! Third up is Bugster, making a triumphant return to the blogroll because I can't remember why she was ever not there. I mean, who else do I have to chat with about remaining neo-sober? Carina? She's way too busy LARPing. Fourth is Sara Fernandez, who was an underclassman of mine that I reconnected with in Boston back in March, and who's awesomeness continues to shine. And finally, my dear friend Amber, who resurfaced from oblivion yesterday. Apparently she has been in Ghana, and then Connecticut. Both are foreign landscapes with bizarre social customs.

Note that I have also updated my reading list - I hope to be a bit more current with that in future. I suppose I should also have updated my South Park persona, but actually he fits, at the moment.

Last night was exceptionally pleasant. Myself, Longino, Stulee, and C. Shriner went to Universal City for dinner. We started off with calamari, Lee and I shared sausage, broccoli and mashed potatoes, and finished with "chocolate on tap", a desert which is as delicious as it sounds. I also had 2 very nice pints of a sweet pilsner to wash it all down with. On the whole, an excellent meal, in great company.

I think I will have some breakfast in front of the TV, go for a run, and get back to cold-calling job listings looking for work.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

For Those Of You With A Disturbing Penchant For Mind-Numbing Detail

Here is a transcript of the tape recorder Colin and I used to document our journey across the country.

JORDAN: Ok, this is Jordan and Colin at 8:57 AM in Lake Forest, Illinois, uh, heading out, for the West Coast. So, wagons ho, all right. Check in with ya later.

COLIN: Uh, just getting onto the Tri-State, filled up with gas, current temperature is 46°, uh, the price of gas in Illinois was $2.29 per gallon.

JORDAN: Ok so we're heading down to the Tri-State, is that right?
COLIN: Yeah. We're going to exit the Tri-State.
JORDAN: We're gonna exit the Tri-State, and, uh...
COLIN: I-55.
JORDAN: ... on I-55 to St. Louis, and we paid $1.60 in tolls, with another $0.37 coming up soon, so, we'll keep you up to date on, sort of statistics.

JORDAN: 'K, mile 137, we're makin' our first stop, at McDonald's, at exit 178, in Lexington... gonna, hit the bathroom and grab some chicken nuggets.

COLIN: Uh, the time is 12:20 on Sunday, uh, we are now just entering Springfield, Illinois, the state capitol, and uh, just taking a little side-trip off the uh, expressway, to see some of the, uh, historic sites in the city. Um, and then we will continue on to St. Louis. Among the sites are uh, the state capitol, uh, the new Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library, and, uh, Abraham Lincoln's home. So, uh, I don't know that we're gonna see them all, but we'd like to.

COLIN: Mileage from Lake Forest to Springfield, is 221, and it has taken us about 3 hours and 20 minutes to drive.

JORDAN: Ok, it is 1 o'clock, and we've stopped in Lichfield, Illinois, 60 miles outside of Springfield to fill up, uh, and, hang on a second... gas prices here are probably similar, looks like uh $2.24, $2.24 for mid-grade.

COLIN: It's 2 o'clock on Sunday, and we have parked on the riverfront of the Missisippi, and we are walking towards the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. It's about, well we'll check it later but I would guess it's probably 500 feet high. It's very impressive. The temperature here is about 60°.

COLIN: Ok, it's now 3 o'clock, and we are leaving St. Louis on Highway 44 heading for Branson, approximately 260 miles, and, uh, I guess our ETA is gonna be about 7 o'clock, assuming all goes well.

COLIN: Hi, we are now, uh, just, uh, just east of Springfield, Missouri*, and we're stopping for gas. We have on the clock 516 miles, and it looks like the price of gas has gone down again to $2.19. So we're going in the right direction.
JORDAN: Until we get to Cali.
COLIN: Out.**

COLIN: We've just turned off Highway 44 at 6:25, heading south on 65 to uh, Branson. It's about another 40 miles.

COLIN: Uh, we've now arrived at the Residence Inn in Bran, Branson, Missouri, at 7:05, and we have completed 580 miles. Now we're going to check in. Bye.

JORDAN: Uh, 8:30 AM, day 2, heading out -
COLIN: *garbled*
COLIN: Monday morning.
JORDAN: Monday morning, yes. We're heading out from the Residence Inn in Branson, Missouri, and uh, less than 24 hours from Tulsa. We're headed south -
COLIN: On 65.
JORDAN: On 65 to Amarillo, Texas.
COLIN: Into Arkansas.
JORDAN: Uh, it's 53° outside, we're expecting rain and snow, in the mountains today. Mileage so far, 581.4.

JORDAN: 8:51 AM, we've just crossed over into Arkansas at 596 miles on the trip meter, listening to NPR.

COLIN: Ok, it is, uh, coming up just before 12 o'clock on Monday, we have crossed from Arkansas into Oklahoma, stopped and picked up a state map at the Oklahoma welcome center, and we are heading west on the Cherokee Turnpike. We're in the middle of the Cherokee Nation, apparently. Our mileage is...
JORDAN: 737.
COLIN: 737.

COLIN: We have about 420 miles to go to Amarillo, Texas, on, if we can average on the expressway uh, 70+, say 70 miles an hour, that will take us 6 hours driving, plus stops. So our ETA is gonna be, probably, um, between 6 and 7 PM.

COLIN: Uh, the time is 12:30 on Monday, we are now in Tulsa, Oklahoma, trying to find a gas station.
JORDAN: Just shy of 800 miles on the..
COLIN: Our mileage is just under 800, and, uh, we will be heading from here down Highway 40, to Oklahoma city.

COLIN: It's 2 o'clock on Monday, and we are just approaching Oklahoma City, uh we've completed about 310, maybe 315 miles from the time we left Branson, and we still have approximately another 270 to go to Amarillo. Uh, we're gonna try and see the Oklahoma City National Memorial, at the domestic terrorist site from 1995.

JORDAN: Ok, it's 3:07, Monday afternoon, we are on our way to Amarillo, we've got 923.6 miles on the trip meter, and we're uh, what is it 232, outside of Amarillo?
COLIN: 242.
JORDAN: 242 miles to Amarillo. We've just visited the national memorial, for the Oklahoma City bombing.

JORDAN: Ok, it's 5:12 PM on Monday, we've just crossed, uh, the state line into Texas, at 1060 miles, into our journey. It's 52° Fahrenheit outside, and we're headed west, still on Route 40, to Amarillo. We're about halfway there. To Los Angeles.

COLIN: It's 6:38, on Monday, we have arrived at the Marriot Courtyard, in Amarillo, Texas, uh, our mileage is 1172, so we have been about 592 from Branson, the temperature is 44°, and we are gonna get a drink.
JORDAN: Mm-hmm.

JORDAN: Well, it is 8:15 PM in Amarillo, Texas, and having just had, Chinese uh dinner,
COLIN: Too much.
JORDAN: Too much Chinese dinner, way too much chinese dinner, we are attempting to find Hooters, to have a beer.

COLIN: Ok, it is Tuesday morning, uh, we are departing the Marriot Courtyward at 9:25, heading west on I-40, to Albequerque. Our mileage is still 1180, and the temperature here in Amarillo is 43°. Um, that's all.

COLIN: It is Tuesday morning, and uh, we have made the trip from Amarillo, we're now in Santa Rosa, New Mexico, we've gassed up there, our mileage at the moment is 1345. And it is about 10:45 in the morning, we have called the Sloves, and they've told us that, uh, they won't be at the house until 2 o'clock so we're gonna kill some time. So we're gonna explore Santa Rosa for a while, and if not then we'll go on to Albequerque and explore that.

COLIN: It's 12:40 on Tuesday, we're now in Albequerque, we decided to come into town to uh, kill some time until the Sloves get back to their residence, mileage is, uh, we're not quite sure.

COLIN: Our mileage to date is 1470 since we left Lake Forest. Temperature has gone up significantly in Albequerque to about 62, 63 degress from the 40s when we were coming across the high plains.

COLIN: It's now, uh, Wednesday morning, we're in Albequerque, we've spent the night with Matt and Diane Sloves, and they looked after us famously, just had breakfast, and we are heading, uh, continuing our trek west, our mileage at the moment is... 1494 leaving Albequerque. And the time is 8:27. Uh, last night, we went to a movie, we went to see the Upside of Anger with Kevin Costner and Joan Allen, which we thought was pretty good, and we'd recommend it. Our objective today is Las Vegas, Nevada, and we're gonna be traveling across the western part of New Mexico, all across Arizona, and then into the southern stretch of Nevada. And we're aiming for the Marriot Renaisance hotel in Las Vegas.

COLIN: It's still Wednesday morning on day 4, it's 9:35, we have had a very slow trip through Albequerque, um, because of traffic congestion. And we stopped at Starbucks and restored our fortitude, and we've just sent some flowers from a florist to Matt and Diane. Um, and now we're gonna get back to a serious bit of driving, to um, Las Vegas. So we've not had a good start today.

COLIN: Um, it's 9:43, we're currently proceeding south-west out of Albequerque on the famous old historic Route 66, and we'll join up with the main expressway I-40 in just a short while.

JORDAN: Ok, it is uh, 11:24 on uh, Wednesday, it's 62° outside, and we are at 1638 miles, and we have stopped in Gallup, New Mexico for gas. Where the price for mid-grade is $2.42 a gallon.

JORDAN: Ok it's, uh, 11:56 AM on Wednesday, we've just crossed into Arizona, it's 63° outside and our Mileage is 1665.

JORDAN: Well, it is 2:23 PM on Wednesday, it's 71° outside, a nice dry heat, we are at, uh, almost 1800 miles, and we stopped for an hour at the meteor crater in Arizona. Uh, fantastically large crater that was created by the impact of nickel-iron meteor approximately 150 feet in diameter about 50,000 years ago. Quite stunning, frankly.

COLIN: Ok, it is 3 o'clock on Wednesday, we are in Flagstaff, Arizona, and we have just seen the first road sign to LA. I would guess... uh, our mileage at this time is 1841, temperature has gone up to 68°.

COLIN: It's just gone 5 o'clock on Wednesday, and we are in Tuman, Arizona. K, we're just coming up to 2000 miles. We're gonna switch drivers here, and carry on to Las Vegas which is approximately another 100 miles away. Temperature has gone up significantly, it's now 84°, and gettin' warm.

JORDAN: Uh, it's 5:18 PM, on uh, Wednesday, and we're just crossing the Hoover Damn. We're at 2060 miles on the trip, and it's 94° Fahrenheit outside.

JORDAN: Ok it's uh, 8:56 AM on Thursday, uh, Cinco De Mayo-
COLIN: Day 5.
JORDAN: Day 5, it's 75° outside, in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, and we're just leaving, at, uh, with mileage at 2092.9 miles on the trip meter. And hopefully we'll be in Los Angeles in a couple hours.

JORDAN: Ok, it is 11:11 PM, er AM, on Thursday, May 5th, it is 82° outside and we've stopped at Baker, California for gas and lunch at Dennys, and uh..
COLIN: Mileage is 2185.
JORDAN: Mileage is 2185 and we're heading out for our final push into LA.

COLIN: It's now 1:10 on Thursday, day 5 of our trip, we are entering the LA area on Highway 15, going to take exit, in a few minutes, to Highway 10, to take that west to the coast. Mileage is, uh... 2319, temperature has dropped from Las Vegas to 68° in LA.

COLIN: We have filled up with gas in uh, Baker, and the price of the gas there was the most expensive we've come across, it was $2.97, and uh, the cost of the tank went up from the 30s to $42 dollars.

COLIN: Well, we're uh, at LAX, it is 2:42 on Thursday, 72°, and, um, we have officially driven 2401 miles to here. Jordan still has a few miles left to go to the place he's gonna stay. Anyway, this concludes the voyage.

JORDAN: Final entry: 3:53 PM, Thursday, May 5th. Mileage: 2428.2 miles. I am now, in Studio City, California, at Stu and Lee's apartment, I'll be hanging out here for an hour and a half till they get home, but my journey is complete.

* Throughout the trip, Colin pronounced Missouri 'Missourah'.
** I swear to god, Colin actually ended this entry by saying "Out". I think he secretly wishes he was Ryan Seacrest.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Veni, Vidi...

I have arrived in California, and am typing this from Stu's antiquated (by my standards, heh) keyboard in Studio City. My 5 day trip across the country was amazing, and I saw many of our nation's landmarks, from the Gateway Arch in St. Louis to the Oklahoma City national memorial. I watched gas prices soar from 2.14 in Milwaukee to 3.09 in Nevada, where a full tank of 14 gallons cost me 43 dollars and change. We kept an audio record of our journey on a handheld tape recorder, which I will transcribe in all it's stultifying dullness in a future entry, along with a more detailed account of the trip. But for now, I'll just say that I'm here, I'm excited, and I'm the 405's bitch.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Let The Adventure Begin


It's Sunday morning at 7:30 am. I haven't been up this early in 2 weeks, since I left my job as a Software Engineer (fancy upper case letters and all) at Assurant Health. I'm sitting at my Uncle's computer in Lake Forest, IL, 30 minutes from departure on a 5 day road trip to Studio City, CA where I have no idea what awaits me other than a tiny israeli and a grumpy but loveable film snob.

We're headed to Missouri tonight, with stops in Texas, Arizona, Vegas, and finally Studio City late Thursday. Colin is helping me drive, for which I am very grateful and will probably be purchasing some very old single-malt scotch as a thank you. The car is packed to the brim, but even so I had to trash about 80% of my belongings, knowing that it would be cheaper to purchase clones on the west coast than have them shipped.

Anyway, wish me luck. 5 days in the car with a hardcore republican == I need some :P