Friday, December 19, 2003


"Start off by introducing yourself to the people." -JORDAN

Hello, the people. :) This is Jordan's younger but much more intimidating sister. Or so he told me tonight. Did any of you know that Jordan is really evil on the inside? I can tell you some of the things that he used to do to me:

1) Spin me up in our swingset's chair so that I could not be spun ANY MORE, and then would leave me and go inside while I spun in vomitous circles until I fell off the swing.

2) Threw a tantrum over the infamous "ORANGE ICE CUBES" when Mom decided to leave Jordan as my BABYSITTER. This was Mom's best decision ever for the vengeance of a little sister.

But it's all okay, you see, due to one special dinner with our old dog, Daga. Mom and Dad were going out to dinner and so had cooked for just J and I. Jordan ate ALL of his broccoli; I, however, put mine on the floor for our dog. Daga had some RANK ASS BREATH. She chewed a little on the broccoli, getting some drool and pieces of her hair into it, and then spat it back out. When my dad came downstairs, I said, "Dad! Look! I ate ALL of my broccoli and Jordan fed his to Daga!" Dad then made Jordan eat the RANK ASS DOG BREATH BROCCOLI. Triumphant I stand. :) Onto Jordan...

Ok folks, it's the real Slim Shady back at the keyboard and I have a few qualifications I'd like to add.
1) In my defense, the swingset thing was hilarious.
2) Royale had her own fair share of torturous incidents, Daga's ass-breath aside.

2.A) When I was 9, Royale pantsed me in front of the entire neighborhood at the end of summer vacation.
2.B) There was one time where I was on the couch watching TV, and Royale came in and wanted to watch something else. I told her I didn't care and she screamed, and when Mom came down "He choked me!" while I sat bewildered with the remote in my hands. When they punished me (GRRR) I punched a hole in the wall and then Royale helped me hide it from Dad.

So I guess the one thing you could say about me and Royale is that aside from our fighting, we always stuck together against mom and dad.

OH MY GOD, BERYL. We have so much to say about Beryl!

Beryl was our 75-year old , 4'1" babysitter with a southern drawl who basically sat in front of our television for weeks at time when Mom and Dad went on vacation. We almost went insane.

"Ro-Ann! Ro-Ann, what's a morun?"

Beryl continually mispronounced Royale's name as Ro-Ann. And a morun is her way of saying 'moron'.
We also used to eat meatloaf all the time. But it's not very funny unless you are me and Royale. We just like to say "Beryl" and think about that weird old woman in the blue shirt and brown cardigan.

Her face was so pointy, I thought she was going to like, poke out my eyes.

Yeah. And it was wrinkly too. We were such little shits.

And she had freckles! So many freckles!

Ok let's talk about something else.

You go.

< time passes >

We have talked about much shit and laughed our asses off, and we don't want to write anymore cause we're having too much fun. I'll post something tomorrow morning.


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