Courtesy of Gabe:

"Such events are dispensed by a dark Santa who hails from a future without Christmas."

If he gave me the rights to that I think I could turn it into a great novel. Terry Prachett-style.

You snivelling pool of diseased rhinocerous pizzle.

NOW NOW, THAT'S NOT PARTICULARLY FRIENDLY.

Eh? Er? Wot? ... Uh, right, then. Er, look, can we just forget the bit about diseased rhinocerous pizzle? Please?

THAT'S BETTER.

Er? Wot? Uh, yes, hmmmm, indeed. Well I think I shall trot down to the local boulangerie, as itwere, have a piece of Mrs. Frumpberry's 18-Tier All You Can Drink Chocolate Infusion Cake.

RUN ALONG, THEN.